Ahhh Valentine’s Day. Whether or not you revel in the love letters, bouquets of flowers and boxes of chocolate or ‘bah humbug’ your way through the “Hallmark Event”, I can’t help but think that it’s a nice little reminder for all of us to keep the spark burning with loved ones all year round.
Whilst I can’t claim to be an expert on relationships, I’ve certainly had my fair share of them and talked to enough people to reach my own point-of-view about what it takes to maintain a healthy and passionate relationship all year round.
The two key fundamentals that I’m always brought back to are:
Maintain Your Sense of Self
How many times have you placed the ‘relationship’ as a higher importance than your Self? What is the value of having a relationship if the real you isn’t there? How can you breathe when you’re smothering each other?
I strongly believe that in order to maintain your own health and happiness you need to nourish your soul with activities you enjoy doing. For me, it’s exercise. I fall in to a great heap of depression if I don’t exercise regularly, and here’s the crazy reality from my past. I used to date someone who was not as active or “morning person” as me, so instead of me maintaining my sense of self and getting up early to do my yoga, beach run or gym session, I stayed in bed to keep him company. Although this may sound petty and minor, as time went by it started to eat away at me, as the part of me that I love so much wasn’t there anymore. I had divorced that oh so important part of me, making the “relationship” more important than my Self. And I only had myself to blame!
Never become Complacent
Each and every day is an opportunity for you to be the best you, you can be. This includes the best lover you can be. It puzzles me when I hear people saying that ‘relationships naturally lose their spark as the years go by’. I think that is an easy cop out. I know a number of elderly couples who have and maintain happy, healthy and passionate relationships well in to the 10, 20 or 30 years of being together. The gift of entrusting your heart with someone else is a sacred friendship that grows stronger and deeper as the months and years go by. So why on earth would you then treat that person with anything else but complete love and respect? It is very easy to blame the person nearest to you for something else that is going on in your life. Please be aware of when you’re about to do this and remove yourself from their presence.
As soon as I notice that I am in one of those moods where something is aggravating me, I book in for a massage or go for a swim by myself. Sure enough I am a lot more calm and clear when I return home to my loved one. If my boyfriend has had a stressful day at work he’ll go for a 45 minute drive or walk before coming home so that he doesn’t bring that tense energy in to the house. Makes for a much happier relationship!
Do you ever find yourself judging and criticizing your loved one? What if what you see as absolute truth is just your own interesting point-of-view? Who is to say that your point-of view is right and theirs is wrong? What’s the point, anyway? Proving you’re right and they’re wrong and inadequate just makes them feel bad about themselves. Please stop demanding that they change. What love and respect of whom they are is included in that scenario? Can a relationship be happy and healthy without love and respect? Of course not!
Do you function from the space of, “If I do this then I expect something back in return?” What if you functioned from the space of contribution instead of ‘give and take’? Simply being and doing for the joy of being and doing and not expecting anything in return.
Nurture your loved one all year round. Have baths together with essential oils that have aphrodisiac qualities. Give your loved one a massage. Touch is a very powerful way to transfer energy. Get active and sweaty together; go for a run, a body surf, a bush walk, whatever it is that gets you out of your “normal” routine and active together. Be a nurturing contribution to your loved one’s life.
And then when it comes to you, make the effort each and every day to be the best you. Do all that you desire to do, especially that which nourishes your soul. And with the risk of being scorned at by all the feminists out there? Please don’t save your lingerie for special occasions. Wear it every day. Certainly makes me feel more womanly and sensual when I am wearing beautiful silk and lace. Plus, men are visual creatures. A win win!
How do you like to keep the spark alive with your loved one?
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